Before Rose
by Raven Sky Costello
Summary: Before Rose, the Doctor was dying. Emotionally at least. Ninth Doctor. Contains suicidal theme, hence rating. 'Rose' from Doctor's point of view now up! How does the Doctor feel when Rose first rejects him? Read and find out! R
1. Before Rose

Dead.

All of them. Just gone.

No one left to tell the tale.

Apart from him, the Last of the Time Lords.

Time Lord. He didn't deserve that title. He was lower than the Daleks. He was scum.

It was his fault that they were gone. He was the one who started the inferno. He massacred a whole race. A species. His own species. Daleks don't count.

And for what? He couldn't answer this. Not really. He'd tell himself it was to end the war. The Time War. To stop more planets from being destroyed. But it still wasn't worth it.

He mellowed in his pain, not caring if anyone noticed the TARDIS. He'd parked on a primitive planet, where no-one knew about his race, or the war. Earth, Twenty-first Century, London.

Soon, the pain that came with the memories was like a dagger cutting through him, never letting him free, coming to him seemingly from nowhere and everywhere at once. Cutting through him till there was nothing left, just an empty shell and more pain.

The pain became so much that soon he began replacing the emotional with physical.

He rarely ate, but when he entered the kitchen, he'd always find a knife. He sliced at his arms, not enough to kill him, but enough to hurt. There was no point in death. Only in suffering. It would be his punishment for murder.

He did this regularly, cutting deeper each time, the emotional pain lessening.

He gave in to sleep, and in his sleep, he let his memories consume him.

_Heat. To hot to stand. _

_Screaming. So many people screaming for their lives. _

_Burning. The acrid smell of burning flesh and metal as people die. Men. Women. Children. Dalek. All burning and screaming as one. _

_Bodies. He was surrounded by bodies, watching as the Time Lords regenerated, again and again before death. The ultimatum of life._

_Smoke. He could taste it. Taste the burning flesh as it rose with the smoke. He threw up, again and again, wondering why the fire wasn't consuming him. Wishing to die, and not be left the only witness of the inferno._

But no, his TARDIS had other plans. As he repeatedly vomited, he heard the whirring of the TARDIS around him. He opened his eyes, expecting to see the bodies of his loved ones, his family around him, but no.

No. He was slumped in a corridor of the TARDIS, tears streaming down his face. He decided to end it once and for all.

No more life. He, the last of the Time Lords was now to die.

He reached for the knife, and started cutting. He was going to go deeper this time than he had before.

He didn't get the chance.

Suddenly the TARDIS started flashing mauve. She shook violently, knocking the knife out of his hands.

He felt an irrational worry for the TARDIS and got up to help her.

When she started beeping he looked over to see what the problem was.

"Oh!" He said to himself. This primitive little planet was being invaded. By another victim of the Time War. The Nestene Consciousness.

A change seemed to occur when he saw this. He became taller, his back straight, and his eyes fiery as if he realised he had a purpose.

He tracked the source down, to a shop called Henrick's, and went in looking for the problem, determined that this planet shouldn't suffer because of his actions.

It didn't take him long to find them. Autons. He watched as they killed an innocent man. The Chief Electrician. Another dead because of the war. He ran to the TARDIS and got a device he knew would destroy the receiver, which he knew to be on the roof. It was just a small bomb, and he knew it wouldn't hurt anyone unless they were in the building.

Maybe it'd kill him. He hoped.

He was going back in, planning to use a lift to the roof.

That's when he saw her. Possibly the most beautiful thing in the universe. And she was about to die to. The Auton raised its hand above its head, ready to strike.

He ran over to her in a flash, and gripped her hand. He was shocked at the electricity that shot up his arm, but let it pass.

"Run!" he said, and she did. They run along the corridor and reach a lift. He pulls her into the lift, slamming the button to close the lift. One of the Autons arms gets stuck in the doors. He pulls, noticing the arm is still trying to strangle him. He yanks it off, realising that the beautiful girl is horrified.

As the doors close, a calm settles over the lift. Then she speaks.

"You pulled his arm off." She says, startled. He realises that she thinks her attacker was human.

"Yup!" He says, as he throws the arm at her. She stares at it, realising its –

"Plastic."

"Oh, very clever, nice trick, who are they then, students? Is this a student thing or what?" She asks, and he's nonplussed as to why they could be students.

"Why would they be students?" He asks, wanting to know how her logic worked.

"I don't know!" She replied, indignantly.

"Well you said it, why students?"

"Cos… to get that many people, all dressed up and being stupid, they've got to be students."

He feels something strange happening with his face. Then he realises. He's smiling, for the first time in months, he's smiling. He doesn't bother stopping, immediately deciding he likes this human, and her logic. Maybe they're not all stupid after all.

"That makes sense. Well done." He tells her.

"Thank you." She seems proud that she's come up with what she assumes to be the right answer.

"They're not students." He said, to stop her from questioning later.

"Whoever they are, when Wilson finds them, he's gonna call the police." She said, with the self-confidence of someone who's seen what she assumes this situation to be before.

"Who's Wilson?" He enquires, half knowing, half hoping he was wrong.

"Chief Electrician."

Oh, he did know. How to let someone know of someone's death gently? There isn't a way to do so.

"Wilson's dead." Straight forward. Blunt. He couldn't think of another way. But then again, what did he care that one stupid little ape was dead when his whole race had been burnt to cinders. By him.

PING! The lift reaches its destination, and he strode out of the lift. The girl follows him, and she's still holding the plastic arm. She looks disgusted.

"That's not funny, that's sick, I've had enough of this now, who are you then, who's that lot down there?"

Uh-oh. It's another inquisitive one. He had a strange feeling he'd be meeting her again soon.

He pulls his sonic screwdriver out and destroys the lift, preventing anyone from getting up to them.

"Hold on, mind your eyes-" he said, moving so she wouldn't be caused any harm from his device.

After he's destroyed the panel, he smiles again for show and walks away, still being followed by the girl.

"I said, who are they?"

He felt a strange kind of trust towards the girl and decided their was no harm in telling her.

"They're made of plastic, living plastic creatures, and they're being controlled by a relay device in the roof, which would be a great big problem if! I didn't have this-" he says, pulling out the bomb "-so I'm gonna go upstairs and blow it up and I might well die in the process but don't you worry about me, no! You go home, go on, go and have your lovely beans on toast."

He really didn't want her to go, but there was a chance she could be hurt. He didn't even know her name, yet he felt something strong for her already. He pushed her out the door, with a final word:

"Don't tell anyone about this, cos if you do, you'll get them killed." He closes the door, wondering how someone he doesn't know can effect him so much. He didn't even know her name.

He paused for barely a minute before opening the door again.

"I'm the Doctor, by the way, what's you name?"

"Rose." He found that ironic. She was as beautiful as a rose, for sure.

"Nice to meet you, Rose-" He showed her the bomb again. "Run for you life!"

He slammed the door again, in wonder at the girl. At Rose. He doubted that she would ever know that she had probably saved his life. He had a reason to live now. He knew he had to try to show otherwise but as soon as he had got rid of the Nestene Consciousness he would search for her, and ask her to be with him.

He sighed and ran towards to roof, hoping that he did get out of this alive and knowing that all of Gallifrey lived on in him. He might have killed them, but there was a chance that by letting others know of him, he could save them again.

**A/N: I just wrote this to pass by some of the writer's block that I seem to have caught, so I'm sorry if it isn't the best you've ever read. Please Review as they make my day! I've now posted the second chapter, which can count as a stand-alone but basically just follows on from this one!**

**I EVEN ACCEPT FLAMES! JUST SO LONG AS YOU REVIEW! Please?**


	2. Rose

Rose

It's gone now.

It can't come back.

One vial of anti-plastic and it is destroyed.

He's made sure of it. Well, he and the ape have made sure of it.

He knows this one is a keeper. He can feel it. This has happened before. He's gone about on one of his adventures and the same being - the same ape - has been helped him with the destruction and/or defeat of an alien who he deemed to be having a bad influence on the earth.

He knows this one is different. He can feel it in his bones. He's never felt this way from simply looking at someone even after nine hundred years of life. He feels as though she's going to be his salvation.

No less than a few days ago, he was preparing to finish his life and the Consciousness with it. Now he knew that he had to go on. Just holding her hand had given him further reason to live.

He was shaken from his thoughts by the sound of the TARDIS door opening and footsteps running hurriedly across a street. The sound of police sirens was in the air as he steps up to the door of his TARDIS.

He watches with jealousy as Rose kneels to comfort her boyfriend, thinking that that is exactly what Mickey is. A pathetic boy. This feeling is amplified as Mickey points his finger at him, whimpering in fright. He looks as though he is terrified.

The Doctor spares little thought for the human boy though, his thoughts are clouded by Rose. He can't seem to stop looking at her.

If he didn't know better, he'd claim love at first sight. Which is impossible.

That's far too domestic, and he doesn't do domestic. It causes too many set backs. Which is why the thought of hoarding Rose, of taking her with him and claiming her for his own makes absolutely no sense to the Doctor.

Again, he is shaken from his thoughts, but this time by the object of his wandering mind.

"Well, fat lot of good you were!" She says and he's almost offended until he realises that she was talking to Mickey. His mind strays****for a moment, struggling to think of a way to get her to stay with him. He only had one shot at this, that's all he's ever had. But he knows that in the past he's only needed to ask once and they'll agree. If not then it wasn't worth it.

He comes up with an idea. He can tell by the way she took the news about aliens that she was made of strong stuff and possibly invited the thought of a challenge. Best to work with that then.

"Nestene Consciousness?" He says, nonchalantly clicking his fingers. "Easy!"

She had been fantastic with the Consciousness, and it looked as though she had enjoyed herself. Maybe - if he could get her away from Ricky-The-Idiot for long enough - she'd agree to come with him on the promise that things were never boring with him. That maybe he could show her that life wasn't all fish and chips, that it got better.

"Oh yeah!" She replies, smiling despite the sarcasm evident in her voice. "You were useless in there, you'd be dead if it wasn't for me!"

She has a point, much as he's loathe to admit it. Maybe she likes the whole saving the world thing, he thinks. Maybe he could explain that he could show her entire galaxies in a day. She could help him. She could save him.

"Yes I would. Thank you." He replies, and the two share a smile. He hopes that he can convince her to come with him if he smiles at her enough. He knows it's futile but is trying to put of just asking her to come with him. After a few minutes of no word exchange, he decides to jump in with both feet.

"Right! I'll be off then. Unless… I dunno." He decides that it's best to use the new planets tactic and just ask her. "You could come with me. This box isn't just a London hopper, it can travel anywhere in the universe. Free of charge."

He thought that perhaps it would be best not to mention the fact that he wouldn't charge her because he felt that she was the one who would help bring him out of his depression. He hasn't forgotten what he was planning on doing before her. He no longer feels the need to do it, but he hasn't - and wouldn't - forget.

Then that idiot started to speak.

"Don't, he's an alien, he's a _thing--_"

"He's _not _invited." He interrupts, forcefully cutting Ricky of and nodding his head towards him. "What d'you think?"

He's given a slither of hope when he sees her hesitating, a look of pure temptation on her face. Seeing her like that encouraged him to continue.

"You can stay here. Fill your life with work and food and sleep, or you could go…" This is where he should get her tocome with him. "_Anywhere."_

"Is it always this dangerous?" She asks, yet he sees something in her eyes which makes him think that maybe the danger is what she's after. Maybe she's fed up of the mundane lifestyle she leads.

"Yes." He replies honestly. She deserves honesty and he promises himself never to lie to her. Not even about his cuts, though maybe she'd receive the shortened version of that.

As he replies, Rose stares at him, her expression both shocked, yet hopeful. Then Mickey wraps his arms around her protectively.

"… I can't. I've got to go and find my mum." She replies, and then she laughs, pats Mickey and continues. "And someone's got to look after this stupid lump!"

He smiles at that, silently agreeing with her. Inside, he feels shattered. She wasn't coming with him. She wasn't coming with him. She'd said no. Turned him down. She didn't want to come with him.

He'd fell in love with a woman in barely two days and she was staying where she was. He didn't mind that she was in a relationship with someone else, ergo wouldn't be interested in him;****he still wanted to travel with her. She was his chance at survival. But he could not hold her back.

"Okay. See you around." He says, knowing it's pointless. He's never been back to see someone once he's left. Not even Sarah-Jane, and she was possibly the only companion to break through his defenses.

He took a step backwards and entered the TARDIS, closing the doors behind him. He walks over to the monitor thinking about what to do. He decides that just this once, he'll go back and see her, but this time as a child. He sets the co-ordinations and lets the TARDIS take him to see Rose when she should be around eight years old.

_There's a girl in a bike shop, running around with one of the other kids. She turns to look at a red bike, and she and the other girl admire the bike. _

_The Doctor almost laughs as he realises that Rose is not the eight year old he was expecting to see, but is, in fact, a twelve year old. _

_A woman comes into the shop, and the Doctor recognises Jackie Tyler, from Rose's flat. He remembers and shudders at the thought of being propositioned by a woman who he didn't even know._

_She tells littleRose to come along; before turning to the lady she had been talking to. The Doctor leans in to hear what is being said._

_"I'm so proud of her; my little Rose!" Jackie said. "She's really starting to get her head down now. She got a good news card from school the other week."_

_"Yes, I heard Shareen telling me about that; didn't she win a cross-country run or something? I'm sure being so athletic must mean she misses out on academic stuff." The other woman returned._

_"Oh, don't worry, I know my Rose studies really hard. She'll do her best and more if she can. She might be able to manage a shop one day!" Jackie said, proudly. "That's far better than space travel in my opinion!"_

_"Oh! Doesn't she want to be an astronaut anymore then?"The lady asked in mock surprise._

_"Nah, I think she finally accepted that 'Star Gate' and 'Star Trek' is a load of made up tosh! Poor girl still wants to find a way to save Pete though."_

_The Doctor frowned. Who the hell was Pete? He thought back to the rest of the sentance. So, she was interested in aliens. _

_Maybe she'd be interested in seing aliens in different time perios, too. He smiled. He knew how he could get Rose to come with him this time._

_"It is a shame though." Jackie said to Shareen's mum._

_"What is?" The lady asked._

_"That she keeps picking Christmas presents like that," She said, looking at Rose. "She should know that we can't afford it!"_

_Hearing this, the Doctor stopped. It was a good seven years till he met Rose, judging by the look of her. One little thing to give her a happy Christmas might be a good thing. He waited until Jackie and Co had left the shop before purchasing the bike._

_He took it to his TARDIS, assembled it, and but a bow tag on it with the inscription 'Merry Christmas Rose, Love St Nick .' Before jumping ahead a couple of days and leaving the bike somewhere for Rose to find. _

_Then he went back to the TARDIS and set the co-ordiantes for when he had asked Rose to come with him._

He arrived just as he'd left Rose and saw her and her idiot 'boy'friend walking away from the TARDIS. Rose turned around hurriedly and stoped walking to look at the Doctor. He knew in that instant, she would be coming with him this time, that they would leave together, and have great adventures. Together.

He leant out of the TARDIS holding on to the door frame and, smiling, threw the bait.

"By the way, did I mention? It also travels in time."

He could see the cogs of her brain working behind those honey brown eyes of hers. Then he turned round and went back inside the TARDIS, leaving the door wide open.

He looked at the TARDIS monitor in time to catch the end of the****conversation between Mickey and Rose.

"--anks for what?" Mickey asked her.

"Exactly." Rose returned firmly, and the Doctor could have laughed as he saw her running towards the TARDIS looking as beautiful as it was possible to be, no matter the species.

He tried to ignore the wave of jealousy that had swept over him when she'd kissed Mickey good-bye, reminding him that they were a couple, and concentrated on the fact****that she was still coming with him.

He knew that they would be a great team, Time Lord and Companion,****working side by side, laughing danger right in face.

He could have laughed when she said forwards as a response to his question on where -in time- she wanted to go first. He was going to show her stuff she couldn't have dreamed about.

He could feel his earlier depression draining away. The adventure that he and Rose were about to embark on was going to be Fantastic. He could feel it.

Fantastic.

**A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed it! Reviews are always appreciated!**

**Thank you to my wonderful BETA PsiGen, any mistakes are purely my own. **

**As with the last chapter, I may or may not do the next episode. The whole thing seems kind of doomed now anyway, what with Rose gone. I'm not currently planning anything for 'End of the World' but I might be persuaded to continue. **


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